Hey Dad - Final Fantasy

Hey, Dad, I've been floating down the river
To the place you retired to
Away from the women who despise you
I've been sad, 'cause all my friends resent me
But I got a plan for a miracle!
I'll shit it out and put it on the table

Dear Son, should I be a proud one?
I saw what you said on the telly
You made your mother sound so silly
How is my offspring so pretentious?
Your art is lazy, trite and schlocky
I should've sent you out for hockey.